Honestly, next to eliminating the TV from our home years ago the next best thing we ever did for our family daily structure was eliminate the couch. Sounds odd doesn’t it? A TV, well that is obvious how that can be beneficial but how possibly could not having a couch in your home be a good thing for your family? Well let me share with you our experience. I would wager that this is probably the same things that many families experience.
Years ago, when we were just a young couple starting our family, our home was set up like most. We had a kitchen, a dining room and a living room. In the kitchen was a table; in the dining room was also a table but these items seldom saw use except on special occasions. The living room housed a couple of chairs, a couch, a coffee table, a tv of course and some odds and ends.
As in most homes the days often repeated themselves with routine, good or bad ones. Ron got up and went to work, I tended to RJ and kept our home and prepared our meals. Ron would return from work, find a spot on the couch to unwind and relax from a long day and I too found comfort in the same routine eventually ending up near him entering the evenings mindlessness.
We would sit and talk but all the while the TV was on in the background. Eventually our attention would be taken to a rerun of a favorite show and before we knew it, the 3 of us were in our comfort zones with dinner plates on our laps. What should have been our nightly family meals, a time of connecting debriefing and bonding as a family around the family table had become a time of numbing the senses. Numbing the senses by being consumed and involved in a make believe world while we stretch out on the couch for hours of nothingness. The tables seldom found themselves used but the couch was the center of daily activity. I shudder when I think of the hours lost each night in that routine.
Somehow there is a connection between the TV and the couch and the uses they both get. One might think if you got rid of the tv this would end the reign of the couch. This is true to an extent as our TV went first and less time was spent on the couch but there was still a certain amount of unhealthy behavior that was associated with couch. The couch, for years, had been a second bed, during the day or evenings. I know for a fact that this was not limited to our home as I had witnessed this barbaric act over and over in home after home.
A hard working individual, a tired mother and sleepy toddler would sprawl out on the couch to refresh, unwind, relax as they watch their favorite show only to wake up an hour or two later. This scene could play out day after day in many homes. In our own home there were countless times Ron would fall unto the couch after work and wake right before supper. On the weekends after working all day in the yard he would come in to relax only to be awakened later by myself, his stomach or our son.
I found it repugnant. Honestly it was a pet peeve for me. I didn’t feel we were creating a healthy family routine with it but it had always been that way and I had no idea how to change it. It was not an occasional event but a regular routine. Ron also found it unhealthy and greatly desired a different path for our family to travel. So we came together and agreed that the couch had to go. And it did. For a while we purposely found uncomfortable chairs to replace the couch with or chairs that did not encourage sleep but comfort only (you can be comfortable without wanting for fall asleep).
When we had removed the TV the family table became a place for meals. When we removed the couch the family table became the center piece of our home. It was the place to have conversations, play games, mend the worlds problems as well as our own over countless cups of coffee. The table became the place for learning, creating and worship. The bed was for sleeping, a comfy chair in the home had been used for the “occasional” power nap but not as a secondary bed. Home life no longer revolved around a TV or a couch but around activity and conversation, around daily life of a family. Around laying foundations and traditions not just routine.
That’s not to say we haven’t tried a couple times again to have a couch. We did twice and found both times it wasn’t for us. We did end up with a wooden loved seat for a few years which worked fine as the way it was made hindered any thought of laying on it comfortably and developing bad habits again.
I know some who read this will say, “that is just weird”. Weird to get rid of your tv but really, getting grid of your couch!?! But others, yes others will totally get it. They will understand the invasion that was felt by one or both of these items in the home. I’m not saying everyone needs to get rid of their tv nor their couch but I am saying that these two items in the home often have far more control over what plays out in molding and shaping a family then the people in the family themselves do. Some things that we may see as harmless may be creating irreversible harm. Sometimes, we just need to step back and see what direction our home lives are going. If they aren’t going in the direction we want, well, it is never too late to stop and head in the right direction.
